I’ve lived in Ohio for a more than a few months, but the longing that I feel for the state of Oregon is still as strong as ever. This couldn’t be more true after opening my old Portland Community College inbox and seeing a ton of emails; Pacific Northwest sustainability events, PCC campus talks, and Phi Theta Kappa activities. The best message was a sweet “just-reaching-out” email sent from my past mentor and Stress and Human Health course instructor.
After answering these emails at 11: 24 pm last night, I resigned myself to the fact that I might always miss Portland; like a family member you didn’t say goodbye to or an unresolved break-up.
I accepted that I needed to Mope a little. My current situation is that I attend college for free in the same state I was born in, but my heart is in a different place altogether. A place with a sh*t ton of rain clouds, cold beaches, cedar trees, food carts, and voodoo donuts. A place I can eat plants, wear flannel, and go brunching to my heart’s content.
I moped, but with that moping comes knowing that I left for valid reasons. I left for discounted college tuition and greater family bonding, as most of my blood relatives reside here in Ohio. I also left to distance myself from that “bubbly” feeling one gets when one lives in one place for too long. I needed to (literally) expand my horizons.
I’m a sad little cloud, but my brain reminds me:
“If it’s meant to be Lauren, you will be back. Oregon will still be there. Portland will still be there. The donuts will still have jam in them and mini-pretzel rods sticking out of their hearts.”
The silver lining? On New Year’s Eve (tomorrow) I get on a plane to make a 6-day trip back to Portland.
In that case, I can stop being nostalgic for a little while.